Yes Break up’s are a form of trauma.
We have all been there and done that. There are so few that make it through life without getting their heart broken in to a thousand pieces. And yep it hurts like hell. Some people can take a deep breath and move forward and that’s ok. Then there are some that find themselves in a deep dark hole that seems bottomless. And that is ok too. Finding yourself at the end of a relationship is a very confronting time. Just yesterday I was chatting with a new friend that admittedly I do not know that well. She told our group that she had just recently ended an 8 year relationship (that she had move to Australia to be with) and she was now renting and living in one room. The look in her eyes broke my heart and I know there is nothing I can do to help her (YET) She needs time to heal… and yes grieve her relationship.
I don’t want to take away from people that have been through horrific times in their life like domestic violence, horrific car crashes or war. Yes these are traumatic events and undeniably cause ongoing anguish.
What I am saying is losing a love or a relationship for some is just as heartbreaking and that’s ok. Being traumatized by loosing or ending a relationship is a form of trauma and some go through the stages of grief.
Well that is different for every person. How long is a piece of string?
Firstly you need to heal. You need to find your independence again and know you can take on the world by yourself. I know you can! (I’m working on an article/Blog for this one)
I know these two words are bloody hard to swallow. It is hard to trust again. Its hard to stop thinking I’m better off alone. It’s hard to put your heart on the line to be broken again. I know all this and I have been there… But like thousands of others I moved on and now have a wonderful husband (most of the time lol)
Stop Looking for perfection!
After we have had our heart smashed into smithereens we put up barriers & walls that sometimes are so high and unachievable no one will ever come up to the standard you are looking for. I’m not saying you shack up with the first warm body to come along either! Sometimes the reason your relationship came to an end for a particular reason and yes keep an eye out for that one!
When am I ready?
Trauma affects people in so many different ways. It might be no sleeping, increased anxiety, an inner fear you can not seem to shake. (just to name a few) Sometimes you will never feel ready. Some people need to push themselves. They need to step out of their comfort zone and take that leap of faith. That’s ok.
When you have experienced trauma in your life you are left scared and wounded and sometimes very deeply. But when you are ready it is so worth it…
Why keep moving forward?
I have to admit I am a bit biased when it comes to matter of the heart… I wonder why? lol Most of my professional life has been as a matchmaker and marriage celebrant. I believe in love!!!! Being part of a healthy relationship is an incredible way to live your life. Waking up next to your best friend every morning is a blessing. No one has the perfect relationship and no one is perfect… But that feeling of being loved and held tight gives me overwhelming happiness. My personal opinion is everyone deserves that.
When you are ready to move on it important not to drag your past relationship into your new relationship. If you want to increase your chances of success and not get stuck on a merry go round maybe seeking professional help is something that will help you.
I have two wonderful local therapists that I know well that I recommend.
If you are from out of town Im sure they would be happy with a teleconference appointment.
If you know a wonderful therapist send them my why so I can share their details.
Fiona Leeworthy Counsellor & Family Therapist
Hi, I'm Sarah- a wine lover , cheese fiend, a sustainable homesteader, mother of two crazy kids & a wife of a chef. I also love to give back to society. I live, breathe, and love all things dating! I started in the Dating Industry in 1997 and have been changing people’s lives ever since. If you're overwhelmed by what your future holds I’d love to see how I can help.
Being a matchmaker at an Introduction Agency is incredibly rewarding. I feel so blessed to be such an important part in someone’s journey.
Country Dating has been and will continue to be my life’s passion and work. This ever evolving world and industry is one that will be around for a long time. Dating can be a very overwhelming path and having a Matchmaker to share that with can make all the difference.
Please let me know if you would like to find out more and how I or one of my matchmakers can help you move forward in your life.