Do you pride yourself on your ability to “bring out the best in a man”?

Have you ever told yourself that, with “a little time and work”, the man you love will become just what you want him to be?

Have you ever felt that the reason your man hasn’t become as successful as he wants to be is that he hasn’t had anyone to “really love and support him” – that is, until you came along?

I don’t know about you, but these questions look painfully familiar to me. I have seen and heard of a woman that has made a profession of love just on a man’s potential. I consider myself to be a bit of an expert where relationships are concerned. (With over 20 years’ experience I should know what I’m talking about). I have heard it I’m not sure how many times over the years that “Behind every successful man is an amazing woman.” And yes again very true.


 Have you ever heard of the savior complex? For as long as I can remember, especially in my younger day’s and even today I want to fix people I can’t help it and as a dear friend pointed out a few years ago that I was not doing them any favors. They had to step up and do it themselves.    I’d always chosen people in my life who needed fixing in particular area of their life. Some needed to be emotionally opened up. Some needed to stop procrastinating, get organized, and use their talents to become successful. So, I would come to the rescue. I would offer them direction and advice to sort out their confusion. I would give them my love, my energy, and my advice. My friends and family would express their disapproval and tell me I was wasting my time, but that didn’t stop me.

Looking back, I realize that each time, I wasn’t really in a helping – I was working on a project. And I wasn’t involved– I was dedicated to a cause.

If only I had a $ for every time I have seen this in real life in some fashion.



 After many years of frustration, heartache, and disappointment, I woke up one day and realized what was really going on. In my own relationship and all the relationships, had around me.

The answer was so simple and so profound I could not understand why it had not come to me before now.

That’s when I said to myself. Sarah, if you’d put even half the amount of energy, creativity, and commitment into finding things about this person to love and admire as trying to make them into someone I want them to be your own goals and your own life will take off. All the Energy I put into fixing people and seeing their potential was wasted. If you’ve been putting your time and energy into helping men unfold their potential, there’s no telling how successful and fulfilled you could become if you concentrated on seeing what is in fount of you. !

  1. Stop the “emotional rescue missions,” finding men who aren’t willing to help themselves, and attempt to “save them.

There is an old saying that a leopard does not change their spots. (We sometimes they do but very rarely) But what is in front of you is the man that he will be in ten twenty years’ time. We all develop our personalities before we even know what a personality is. Your core values throughout your life do grow and change with education and time. But who you are does not. 

  1. Work out their language of love.

I have seen relationships crumble and fall apart especially when a man does not know how to express his feelings. He is doing it every day and he is screaming it out. But the lady does not hear… Wow you look great! Or I can’t wait to get home and rip off your clothes! So there for he has nothing to say. OPEN your eyes ladies! You need to work out how he is saying it. How he is screaming I love you!

  1. Or is he just getting a FREE ride.

There is a fine line here that you really need to think of. It is really easy to be in a relationship where there is very little expected of you. You are fed, clothed and the weekly, monthly or even buy monthly roll in the hay is enough. Some men are just not overtly sensitive at all. You as there partner needs to work out if it is a FREE ride or are the Screaming at you… Hopefully they are screaming at the top of their lungs.

Moral of the story

If the man that is standing before you is not right keep walking.

Moral of the Story

Stop looking for a man to be successful. Be successful yourself. If you divert your energy into and creating a life that you love if he is MR right he will come for the ride.

Moral of the Story

There are sensational men around every corner. He may not be 6 foot and buff. He might not be MR Romance he might not have the world’s best paying job. But if he is screaming out that he loves you….. Make sure you know how to hear it.

Sarah Schmidt